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Working it out

November 1, 2009 Leave a comment Go to comments

So, usually when I work out, I go first to the pool, then to the fitness room for aerobic machines and calisthenics.  When I was in the pool I was amusing myself by thinking about all the clever and funny things I’d write on my blog when I got home.  An hour later, when I was on a stationary bike in the fitness room, I swallowed some water wrong and started to choke and gasp for breath.   This episode brought about an abrupt end to my workout – and, when I could breathe again, I started sobbing into my towel.  I try so hard to be a positive person, and usually I am.  But sometimes this is all too much.  I bemoan that I’m not as tiny and thin as I used to be, when I know that what I should really be doing is thinking about how lucky I am that I’m not in a wheelchair.  Sometimes the unfairness of my disease overwhelms me.  Not only can I not do things that I used to do easily; now I get unexpectedly sad and angry.  I get so tired of being so appreciative all the time; sometimes I’d really welcome the luxury of being dismissive and vain.  Most of all, though, I don’t like being so out of control of my negative emotions.

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