As I was sorting my pile of newspaper clippings (ask, most writers have them) I found an article I clipped out of the Wall Street Journal about wedding dresses made by Disney. I remember why I cut it out. If you know me, you know that both weddings and Disney are things that I think are – well – silly. Often, the best I can muster when either of these two topics is brought up is a quick change of subject.
This article got me thinking about the most ridiculous (and offensive) combinations that could actually happen. For example, icy sidewalks and overcooked okra are not likely to have any events in common (although, you never know, I once spilled a gallon of pea soup on the leather upholstery of my car – so there’s an unexpected combination of peas and leather). I came up with these combinations:
- Life cereal and high-fructose corn syrup
- Long baths and comic books
- Ruffles and sweatpants with gathered ankles
Can you come up with more?
I am now living with someone who cooks for me (hooray!) and doesn’t eat egg yolks (boo hiss!). We do not agree about whether the no-egg-yolk rule is the proper path to health or the road to culinary ruin (and don’t EVEN try to comment about that – you cannot expect me to be rational), but the fact is that my cholesterol is elevated enough to cause concern and he wants me around for a good long while, so he keeps trying to feed me foods that have eggs in them with the yolks taken out.
The other morning I was taking a shower while he was making pancakes for us. My bathroom is right next to the kitchen and while I was putting lotion on my legs, I could hear him cracking the eggs. Then I heard the whirr of the garbage disposal.
After a bite or two I exclaimed, “Hey! These pancakes have no egg yolks!”
Sheepishly, he asked “How did you know?”
“For one thing, taste. For another thing, I heard you run the garbage disposal after cracking the eggs and I figured you were destroying the evidence. I’d have seen them if they were in the garbage.”
Later I told him, “You’re a lousy sneak. If you really want to trick me about the egg yolks, you should take them out gradually – one yolk at a time.” I probably shouldn’t have told him that.